How To Be An Anarchist In The Government's Eyes

Facebook Post Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 10:11am

The note below was written by someone else in Pittsburgh. However, there is much truth in the satire and it sums up many experiences last week, so I pass it along here.
-- S.L.B.

"DISCLAIMER: although this is a somewhat sarcastic comedic piece, I want to note that this is REALISTIC in the sense that this IS how we were classified and arrested by the police, and it IS how we were classified in the news in the days to follow.

"Our wonderful Police force has teamed up with our news stations to throw out those good old Merriam-Webster definitions and to create a new, modern, description of what constitutes as an anarchist in our democratic and free country.

"an ANARCHIST is, but is not limited to, anybody who:
1. Rides, or is in possession, of a bike.
2. Talks through a megaphone. Offenses include telling people to be peaceful, not resist, and follow orders.
3. Tries to exercise the right or free speech without inducing or suggesting harm or violence to any individual or establishment.
4. Tries to talk to the police. Common offenses include, but are not limited to:
'Why are you doing this to us?'
'How can I peacefully leave?'
5. Takes video, pictures, or is in possession of a camera that might document the truth.
6. Tries to help/care for those who are in immediate danger or harm.
(e.g. see Iraq medical war veteran, and helpful towers residing pitt student)
7. Is in possession of any object that will protect them from tear gas.
8. Buys a lighter on a Friday
9. Follows police orders by walking, rather than running.

"One will be happy to discover that in order to become a PROTESTER, you no longer need to have anything to protest!

"a PROTESTER is:
1. anybody who leaves their residence on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night.
2. anybody who stays in their residence, but looks out their window or stands on their porch.
3. anybody who dares to hang out in the lobby of their own residence hall.

"So as you can see, these wonderful new classifications let ALL Americans be anarchists and protesters in their own right! What a wonderful democratic society where we can include and not discriminate against anybody!

"Any additions to add?"